ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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