You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
You work out of a Hotel?
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
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I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I didn't notice because vodka
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Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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