ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Randomize
