I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
