I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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