How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
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The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
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