I'm gonna have a badass scar
i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Randomize
