i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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