just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize