why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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