i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
