Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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