in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
