she smelled like a LAN party
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
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