the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
My dick has a subreddit
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
