I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
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