My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Randomize
