i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Randomize
