Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
And the cops told us we were all naked.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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