i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Are my feet made of real feet?
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
