There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Randomize
