You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
