Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
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