Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
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