So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
