Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
