He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
My breasts were aching with rage.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Im part way to drunk.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
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