I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
