my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
