Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
