At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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