I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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