she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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