Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Randomize
