I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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