Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
there was a trapeze. enough said
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
i need some magic done to my vagina
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
