Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Randomize
