Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
