Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
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