FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
How's work?
Spinning.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
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