I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize