my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
