while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
