mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
23 Parents Gave Awful Advice about “The Birds and the Bees”
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
These 19 Deaths Are Ironically Hilarious
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome