I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
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the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
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we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue