woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
