I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.