My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
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So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
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There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.