i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
i was born a porn star she said
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
20 People Who Caught Their Significant Others Cheating and Hand Over Some Major Karma
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
33 Memes You’ll Find Uncomfortably Relatable If You’ve Ever Been Through A Messy Breakup
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often