Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"