I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
