I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Randomize
