Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
we made out on top of his cat.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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