This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
