it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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