I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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