so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
