My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
