she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Randomize
