It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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