I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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