I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
You're breaking my sexual little heart
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize