Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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