i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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