He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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