Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
