life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
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