My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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