drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Who put my cat in the fridge?
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Randomize
