I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
It's blow job season.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
