If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Have you finally orgasmed yet?
This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
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