Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Sex in the backyard? Check.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
