You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
I accidentally had phone sex last night
What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
