You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
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i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
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you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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