We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Randomize
