Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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