can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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