Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Randomize
